Lack of Time, Reality or Self-Imposed Rule?

I hear so many women around me say, “I never have enough time”, "I don't have time to exercise," or "I used to love dancing, but I don't do it anymore since I have a family."

How many of us after having kids or settling into family life somehow let slip away of things we used to absolutely love?

Somehow we convinced ourselves that we just don't have the time anymore.

But is this our reality, or have we inadvertently fallen into the trap of a coping mechanism masking a deeper underlying story?

This is what we will explore here.

Busyness is a common scenario. Our to-do lists seem never-ending, and there's always more to do than we have time for. I invite to consider how much pressure lies behind this.

• Are we, in some way, creating more stress for ourselves than necessary?
• Why do we feel so flustered by this never-ending list?

It's almost like an addiction to busyness. When you're exhausted but can't seem to stop, that's a clear sign that something might be amiss.

Let’s explore 3 underlying reasons of this perceived lack of time.

1/ Meet "The Pusher"

First let me introduce you to "the pusher."
The Pusher is not an external force but a part of our inner selves, a deeply ingrained aspect of who we are. It initially developed to help us excel in school and ensure our success in the world.

It’s primary job is to push us to achieve, to meet goals and expectations. Part of the pusher's role is to ensure our primal needs for love, value, connection are met by gaining recognition from our teachers and parents, fostering that sense of satisfaction and self-worth we so crave.

The pusher believes that more is always better. It is born from culture of productivity, in a society where those who achieve more or have more, are often perceived as having more value.

The problem is that the pusher is never satisfied. It constantly drives us to reach the next level, achieve more, and accumulate more accomplishments. This perpetual pursuit of more can leave us feeling trapped in a never-ending cycle of busyness and unfulfillment.

To see if your pusher is strong, consider your daily life, all the things you have to do:

• What would happen if you stopped?
• What would happen if you only did half?
• How would this make you feel?

For many people I work with including myself, the mere thought of slowing down or doing less can trigger feelings of unease and anxiety.

They might believe that "nothing would get done" or worry about falling short of their own or others' expectations. These reactions are clear indicators of a strong pusher within.

When we dig deeper on these topics often is a sense of not feeling useful or unworthy if we cannot do as much as we say we would.

One aspect into recalibrating our relationship with productivity and busyness is to recognise the presence of the pusher and explore our sense of self-worth.

Are we really what we do? Or is there another possible perspective here?

2/ Putting everyone else first

Women often carry a legacy of self-sacrifice: as moms, partners, and all-around superheroes, we often find ourselves putting our own desires on hold in the pursuit of caring for others.

For some of us, there's a deep-seated feeling of obligation to be there all the time, to prioritize family and household responsibilities above everything else.

There maybe a constant worry that if we're not present 100% of the time, our children's education might suffer, or they may miss out on essential experiences.

Sometimes, it's our own childhood story of an absent parent that resurfaces, making us feel guilty even when our kids haven't explicitly asked for more of our time.

However, it's crucial to remember that life is all about balance.

I don't believe there are perfect moms and I’m definitely not one, but I firmly believe that it's not about quantity; it's about quality.

Children often mirror the emotions and behaviours of their parents. So, if you find happiness and grounding within yourself through activities like one hour of yoga or tending to your own needs, you're sending your kids a powerful message.

You're showing them that taking care of oneself is just as important as caring for others.
It's a lesson that can resonate deeply and positively impact their own lives as they grow.

3/ Time-Draining Habits

Lastly, let's not forget the time-draining habits that sneak into our lives.
Excessive social-media use, binge-watching TV, and other distractions have a sneaky way of stealing our precious time.

Have you ever noticed how your phone can effortlessly snatch away minutes, turning them into hours as you mindlessly scroll through your social feeds, tend to every notification, and feel compelled to respond to every group chat?

The endless stream of information can be astonishingly energy-draining.

So, here's an invitation: consider embarking on a bit of phone decluttering.

Remove those pesky notifications that constantly beckon for your attention. Unsubscribe from sources that no longer bring value to your life. And, if certain social media apps have become a little too addictive, don't hesitate to remove them temporarily.

Allocate a deliberate and restricted 10-minute slot each day to catch up on your digital connections.

This small act can reclaim substantial time for pursuits that truly nourish your well-being and passions.

Now, let's talk about another common time drain—binge-watching TV shows or streaming series.

While there's certainly nothing wrong with unwinding and enjoying some entertainment, it's alarmingly easy for a single episode to spiral into a marathon viewing session.

When it comes to these distractions, it's worth delving into the deeper patterns at play.

Sometimes, our inclination towards such distractions is a form of self-sabotage—a way to avoid facing uncomfortable truths or emotions.

By recognizing these patterns, we can begin to regain control of our time and focus it on pursuits that nourish us from the inside and are aligned with our aspirations and personal growth.

To summarise

Here's the bottom line: it's not always about not having time; it's about how we manage the time we do have and the expectations we place on ourselves.

The never-ending to-do list may persist, but we can change how we interact with it.

We are often way harsher on ourselves than we should.

Remember you are enough and you are doing much better than what you give yourself credit for.

So perhaps today just consider:

Are there things in my life I could drop or change my perspective upon to create more space for my own desires?

By embracing the process, we find the magic in life and regain control over our time.

Thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and self-care.

Remember, change often starts with small, deliberate steps. And these little steps can lead to big impact, so start today.

Until next time, stay mindful and make time for yourself.

P.S: Are you ready to create space in your life and reclaim time for yourself and what really matters to you?

Let's work together to identify and address the underlying factors contributing to the stress and additional pressures in your life so you can enjoy a new sense of freedom.

Book a complimentary 30min discovery call today