Discover Which Self-Abandonment Archetype^TM You Are and Take Action to Reclaim Your Sense of Self

While the picture of the independent, strong woman is more and more celebrated, the reality is that many women still struggle with maintaining their sense of self in relationships.

They feel like they lose who they are the moment they enter a relationship. In fact, many of my clients come to me after years of unhealthy patterns where they’ve been constantly compromising their own needs, neglecting their passions, or sacrificing their personal goals just to keep a relationship.

This is what self-abandonment is all about—living behind an important part of who we are.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself compromising your own desires, dreams, or even values, all in the name of keeping the peace or making your partner happy too.

Maybe you’ve said you like something just to create a bond with your partner, even though it’s not really your thing. Or maybe you’ve dropped your hobbies and passions as soon as you entered the relationship, telling yourself you’ll pick them up later—yet they never come back. Maybe, over time, you’ve lost your self-esteem and started accepting behaviours that should be red flags, because you’ve convinced yourself that’s just how relationships work.

If any of this resonates, it might be a sign that you’re losing yourself in your relationship.

But don’t worry—you’re not alone. This is more common than you might think. Relationships can be complex, and the reasons for losing your sense of self often run deeper than they appear on the surface.

In this post, we’ll explore five personality archetypes that reflect the common ways women lose themselves in relationships. Understanding these patterns can help you pinpoint imbalances in your own life and take the first steps toward reclaiming your identity and restoring balance.

It’s important to remember that these archetypes aren’t labels or designed for self-judgment —they’re frameworks to help you understand common emotional patterns and solutions for healing.

Also, you may find you have traits of several archetypes, and that's completely normal. In fact, all women may experience moments of self-abandonment, especially in the context of relationships. The issue arises when these patterns become habitual, gradually overshadowing your sense of self, own needs, autonomy or even safety.

Remember, with the right focus and support, you can break free from these unhealthy patterns and start attracting the healthy, nurturing relationships you deserve. It’s all about creating a space where both your individuality and your partnership can thrive.

| The Self-Abandonment Archetypes^TM

THE OBSESSIVE

The Obsessive Archetype tends to become overly preoccupied with her partner or wish-for partner. She falls quickly and intensely, leading to an all-consuming focus. She often gets lost in thoughts about when they'll call, replaying conversations, or daydreaming about the relationship.

For the Obsessive Archetype, being in a relationship triggers overwhelming feelings of anxiety at the thought of losing the relationship. Any lack of communication or emotional distance might signal something is wrong or that the relationship is at risk.

In response to this fear, she may engage in behaviours aimed at seeking reassurance or maintaining constant connection. This could include a constant need for reassurance, being overly present, texting frequently, or constantly checking in with her partner.

Her fears can also fuel intense feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, or distrust, particularly when her partner interacts with other women or spends time with friends. She can become obsessed with thoughts of his exes, constantly comparing herself to them and feeling insecure about her place in his life.

She can also feel particularly vulnerable or anxious whenever they’re apart, fearing that distance could mean losing the connection they share.

Eventually, her partner may not recognise the confident person they once met or feel overwhelmed by the constant need for reassurance, leading to distance or even a break-up.

Who the Obsessive Archetype Tends to Attract

The Obsessive Archetype often attracts partners who may be emotionally unavailable, distant, or avoidant, which can unintentionally reinforce her beliefs and insecurities.

THE MERGER

The Merger Archetype is characterised by her tendency to drop her own life once she enters a relationship. She may stop exercising, abandon her hobbies, or put aside her career goals or aspirations because she feels it’s more important to devote all her time to her partner.

Friends and family often notice that when she enters a relationship, she disappears from their lives. They hardly see her anymore.

In the name of harmony or connection, she sacrifices her individuality and autonomy, often without realising it until much later. She may tell herself it’s just temporary, but over time, she loses touch with the person she was before the relationship. Her identity becomes increasingly intertwined with her partner’s, and she begins to define herself solely through the relationship.

In extreme cases, she might give up her power, letting her partner set the pace, or she may gradually allow him to control aspects of her life. This could extend to giving up her career or moving to accommodate him.

The Merger Archetype tends to have an idealised and deeply dependent view of her partner, often putting him on a pedestal. She may believe that true love means being completely devoted to him. In some cases, the Merger's actions are a response to a possessive or insecure partner, where she believes that giving up her own life and identity is the key to keeping the relationship strong.

Who the Merger Archetype Tends to Attract:

The Merger Archetype often attracts partners who may be emotionally dominant, controlling, or at least more independent or self-focused. These partners may be individuals who are comfortable taking the lead in the relationship, which complements the Merger archetype's tendency to lose themselves in their partner’s life.

THE CHAMELEON/ SHAPE-SHIFTER

The Chameleon Archetype is characterised by her tendency to mould herself to fit the expectations and desires of others, particularly her partner.

She has a strong urge to fit in or be more palatable for her partner and so will adapt her personality, opinions, and even values to align with what she believes will make her more liked, accepted, or loved. This can be totally unconscious.

She may change her style and preferences and adopt new worldviews or mannerisms to fit in. This can involve "performing" a role or persona that aligns with what she perceives others want from her.

For instance, if she feels her partner might be insecure, she may downplay some of her qualities, dimming her brilliance or minimising her achievements. On the other hand, if her partner desires someone who is entertaining, agreeable, or perfect, she may go out of her way to embody those traits, neglecting her own authentic self in the process.

In relationships, the Chameleon often finds herself becoming someone she is not. She can lose touch with her own feelings, preferences, beliefs, likes, and dislikes. Over time, this behaviour can cause significant emotional disorientation, where she is no longer sure of who she really is outside of the roles she plays for others. Her tendency to blend in can cause her to lose sight of her own voice.

In extreme cases, the Chameleon may not recognise herself when she looks in the mirror, leaving her emotionally drained, stuck and disconnected.

Who the Chameleon Archetype Tends to Attract:

The Chameleon Archetype tends to attract partners who are critical, judgmental, or even narcissistic, reinforcing her belief that she can't be loved for who she truly is. She may also attract avoidant partners who maintain emotional distance, as her accommodating nature allows them to avoid deep emotional connection.

THE RESCUER

The Rescuer Archetype embodies a pattern of stepping into the role of fixer or saviour in relationships, often at the expense of her own well-being. While her intentions may feel selfless and helpful, this tendency frequently leads to over-giving, burnout, and a gradual loss of personal identity.

She invests deeply in solving her partner’s problems or "fixing" their emotional struggles—whether by paying off debts, taking over job applications, or constantly buying gifts, cooking meals, and running errands to ease their burden. She might answer late-night calls to provide emotional support, even when she desperately needs rest.

This archetype often equates love and worthiness with being indispensable. She suppresses her own needs and emotions, prioritising her partner’s struggles above all else. For instance, she may justify staying in a toxic relationship, believing her partner will eventually “heal” or change. Instead of accepting her partner’s current reality, she becomes fixated on their potential, what "could be", making it difficult for her to let go.

Her overcompensating behaviour may unintentionally reinforce unhealthy dynamics, acting as a crutch that prevents her partner from taking responsibility for their own growth. Setting boundaries or focusing on self-care often triggers feelings of guilt, as she fears it means abandoning her partner.

Operating in a co-dependent pattern, she lives for others, anticipating their needs as a way to alleviate her own anxiety and feel in control. However, this pattern can lead to emotional exhaustion, unspoken resentment, and a sense of being taken for granted—despite her continued sacrifices.

Who the Rescuer Archetype Tends to Attract:

Rescuers are drawn to partners they perceive as needing help or healing, which reinforces their sense of purpose and self-worth. They often attract partners struggling with issues like financial instability, addiction, mental health challenges, or unresolved trauma. These dynamics allow the Rescuer to step in as a caregiver or problem-solver, reinforcing their role while enabling the partner to avoid personal responsibility. Sometimes, these issues may also hinder the partner from emotionally committing to the relationship, which adds an additional motivation for the Rescuer—to "fix" their partner so they can match their ideal or potential.

THE SUBMISSIVE

This archetype is characterised by the tendency to tolerate mistreatment or accept behaviour such as infidelity, belittling or even abuse. She often appears outwardly calm, discreet, and accommodating, yet beneath the surface lies a deep struggle with suppressed emotions and unmet needs.

The Submissive avoids confrontation at all costs, instinctively stepping into the role of pacifier and peacemaker. She tends to rationalise or excuse unacceptable behaviour from her partner, attributing it to external stressors, past traumas, or other justifications. She might think, “He’s just under pressure right now” or “It’s not that bad—he didn’t mean it.”

These women often struggle to express their true voice, feeling that their opinions, needs, or boundaries are not worth or safe voicing. They have silenced themselves, internalising frustrations out of fear that speaking up could lead to rejection, abandonment, or escalated conflict.

Her sense of self-worth is deeply eroded, leaving her convinced she doesn’t deserve better or fearing that she won’t find anyone else if this relationship ends. This internal narrative keeps her trapped in a cycle of self-sacrifice and emotional neglect, reinforcing a dynamic where her needs are dismissed, and her value is undermined.

Who does the Submissive tend to partner with

The Submissive Archetype often partners with individuals who display dominant or controlling behaviours, such as those who seek to assert power and authority in the relationship. Additionally, the Submissive can attract players—partners who are non-committal, self-serving, and adept at using charm to manipulate and maintain control.

| Why Does It Matter?

Recognising these self-abandonment patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them. When we lose ourselves in relationships, it’s not just about the sacrifices we make—it’s about the long-term impact on our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.

Over time, self-abandonment can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and a profound sense of disconnection—not just from others, but from ourselves. It can affect your self-esteem, your sense of autonomy, and your ability to attract and form healthy, fulfilling relationships.

The truth is, the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for all other relationships in your life. When you nurture that connection, you’re better equipped to create partnerships that are balanced, supportive, and mutually respectful.

| Reclaiming Your Sense of Self

From these archetypes, we can identify both common patterns shared across different types and specific traits that reflect the unique ways self-abandonment shows up for each person.

Reclaiming your sense of self involves addressing the core of these common patterns while also implementing strategies tailored to each archetype.

Here are some general steps to get started:

Reconnect with Your Inner Voice

Our inner voice is that quiet, intuitive guide within us that reflects our deepest values, desires, and authentic selves. It's the part of us that speaks truth, guiding us toward decisions and actions that are aligned with who we truly are and knows what is best for us.

Build Your Self-Esteem

Building self-esteem starts with changing the way you view yourself and your abilities. It is about recognizing that your inherent worth isn't bound to achievements or external validation—it's something you have simply by being you.

You, above all, are deserving of your own love.

Healing Attachment Wounds

An attachment wound refers to the emotional pain or trauma caused by disruptions in early bonding experiences, particularly with primary caregivers. According to attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, these early relationships shape how individuals perceive and engage in relationships throughout their lives. If a child experiences neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or emotional unavailability, they may develop attachment wounds. These wounds can manifest in difficulties trusting others, fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, or challenges with intimacy in adulthood. Healing attachment wounds involves recognising these patterns, building secure relationships, and working through emotional pain to foster healthier connections.

Learn How To Set Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is essential for reclaiming your sense of self. It involves recognising your limits, learning to say no, and asserting your needs in a respectful way. Boundaries help protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being, and are a powerful tool for self-respect and self-care.

Seek Support

Sometimes, breaking free from self-abandonment patterns requires help. Working with a therapist, coach, or support group can provide you with the guidance, encouragement, and tools you need to heal and create lasting change.

| The Reconnected Self Approach

The Reconnected Self approach to healing self-abandonment wounds and establishing a foundation for healthy relationships is centred on a holistic, integrative process.

We combine body therapy techniques such as kinesiology, acupressure, focusing, and mindfulness to effectively address emotional wounds and fears, lying at the root of self-abandonment.

In addition, we integrate proven cognitive methods for mindset shifts to help you transform your narrative and create alignment between your inner voice and actions.

This approach allows for a deeper connection between your mind and body, facilitating long-lasting emotional healing, empowering you to break free from old patterns, and creating space for healthier relationships—starting with the most important one: the relationship with yourself.

Does One or Several of These Archetypes Sound True to You?

I’d love to hear from you!

Does any of these self-abandonment archetypes resonate with you? Drop a comment below or send me a DM.

Let’s start the conversation and uncover the first steps towards reclaiming your true self.

Want to Dive Deeper?

Reclaiming your sense of self after self-abandonment is a process. It takes compassion, working at your own pace, and the right support.

Shedding light on your self-abandonment archetype is the first step towards healing. Once you identify the pattern, you can begin to break unhealthy cycles and rebuild a balanced, fulfilling life.

Remember, you deserve to be true to yourself and have relationships where you can thrive as your authentic self.

If you’re ready to take the next step in reclaiming your sense of self, I invite you to connect for a 30-minute free alignment call, simply CLICK HERE. Let’s work together to discover how you can start feeling more aligned and at peace with who you truly are.